A year later... And life keeps moving.

So we have hit and passed the one year mark.

I have been home in my tiny town for over a year now. I have left the drama back in California (as much as could possibly go). I have found this stability that I am still trying to get used to. I have been with my dear, sweet boyfriend for over a year now.

I feel as though I haven't come very far; yet when I look back I see where I started and where I am and I become thoroughly amazed! Go ME!

So, with that said. I have kinda been freaking out lately due to wanting to be further along my road than I am. So I am thinking I am going to take on a new point of view. Here's my list:

1. Get some running shoes and start running!
2. You started school so finish it!
3. Start quilting! (Now to save up for the classes and the materials needed!)
4. Turn on your creativity!

That's all I have currently but I will continue to add to the list.

Oh hey, forgot! 5. Start meditating! Get used to being with yourself!

Ok time to get back to work.

Love & Light!
A

Life and its way of sneaking up on you....

Life has a horrible way of sneaking up on you sometimes, first it starts with having to deal with the death of a friend's baby son, then off to seeing my ex for the first time in over a year and I also get to meet the woman I was left for, then my dog leaves and the my childhood cat dies....

I feel as though I have been through hell and back lately. Rowan past and all I can think is this baby who hadn't even  made it through his first year has left this world leaving behind a mom, dad, and twin sister and family who will miss him terribly and never know him as a grown man... This BABY! It's not fair.

Seeing my ex was HORRIBLE! Not because I miss being her significant other but I am so sad to see her miserable and with someone who doesn't even seem to appreciate her. Her fiance has a horrible aura about her. She's full of resentment, cynism, and anger for life it seems.. I feel sorry for my ex. She doesn't deserve the miserable life she has now.

My baby dog was here for 2 weeks and I felt whole! It was so wonderful to have all my children together and have Tippi in a loving environment. The evil fiance tells my baby that she isn't wanted.. It makes me so angry and frustrated that this is being allowed!!

And lastly, my beautiful Vicious cat was found dying yesterday. She was almost gone when we found her. It was as though she was still hanging on, it was one of the worst things I have ever gone through!!! This cat was my comfort when no one else was. She took away my tears and fears and loved to be apart of my circles that I casted in my room.

My dear Vicious, you will be miss terribly!! Rowan, I know that your mommy and daddy and sister are missing you dearly and I am so sad that I didn't get the chance to meet you and see you smile! Blessed Be my dear ones! See you in the Summerland.

Love and Light,
A

Holidays & Birthdays

Well, with Christmas gone and with my birthday tomorrow. I am finding that things weren't as hard as I thought they would be. Yes, I missed my family but at the same time I found that being at home with my boyfriend and our cat was just as perfect as being with my rowdy family.

I chose to "be close" to my family by making my grandmother's biscuits and gravy for breakfast, my great grandmother's Wassail in the afternoon and I scoured the internet for a lasagna that caught my eye and sounded amazing and found it! (Thank you Food Network!!)

I know that I was a mess at the beginning of the week - ok I was freaking out without trying to freak out. My boyfriend - bless his heart - put up with me and my meltdowns all week.

I felt badly because my first instinct was to hide my depressed mood from him, but if I did that I know that he would have been upset and I would have started something I had tried so long to break myself from doing. I want him to know me. I want to be open with him in ways that I haven't been with anyone else.  And by NOT pretending I am fine then I am showing him the real me. So needless to say that I finally owned up to my actions and said thank you.

But what I am getting at I guess is that everyone says don't blow things out of proportion and that is what I did and shouldn't have! And by just going with the flow I think I may have created my own traditions in the process! :)

Love & Light

Creating a new home..

So here I begin my newest adventure, I am creating a new home here in Nebraska. Not only am I creating a new home but a new life with my special someone.

Here where I feel at home - I find myself lost. Things are opposite of everything I knew in California.

I have 2 bedrooms instead of a studio (for the same price I might add!)
I am with a man and not a woman.
I have almost every piece of furniture I will need for my home!

But something is still missing.. Now maybe it's just that this is my first day in my apartment or maybe I am making it up.. But I am really overwhelmed by the space in this apartment!!

Laughter

Have you ever noticed how laughter changes everything? Like how it can change a horrible situation into something that maybe you can handle after all? Or how it can make your heart warm with love when you hear your significant other laugh at a joke you tell?

After years of being worried that there would be no tomorrow for myself and my ex-significant other, I am now with an amazing man who makes me laugh daily! No matter how bad the day is he is always there to make me laugh and see the lighter side of life.

He says some of the dorky-est things I have heard in my life but he'll have me rolling around crying because he forgets to unbuckle his seat belt when he gets out of the car or when he gets road rage when playing Mario Kart but not when driving.

It is amazing what a person can go through if they have laughter by their side. Now I have the laughter on one side and my boyfriend on the other and it seems to never end.

Blessed Be.

Where I am now.

Well to start off I suppose I should make certain that all the facts are on the table..

It took me 8 years to get home - and now I am. I am in love with a man who makes me so happy most days I smile from ear to ear because I can't believe this is true! Happiness is a complete prayer come true for me.

I have been home 4 months now. I have gone on a few adventures and am enjoying my time here. We are getting an apartment together in a week, and I am nervous on living with him though I am sure it is nothing the nervousness is still there.

I am also having an anxiety of not living with my best friend any more. I am afraid of being distanced from her again. It was so hard being without her for so long while I was gone. I know I am going to have to work hard to keep her close as our lives have definately gone different paths. I am sure that I will probably get married and have children before her and that kills me. She is such a good person and deserves to have that (before me!!) especially since they have been together for 8 years!!!

Also, I was introduced to a new friend yesterday. We can call her T. T is a very creative individual and she has struggled to get to there. She is a truly blessed woman and it shows from everything she takes pride in! I spent a few hours with her yesterday and in those few hours the creativity started to flow once again. I have many ideas flying around in my head once again and I hope to start and finish many projects in the coming months. T has blessed me with someone who doesn't judge but who hears and listens and bounces back with thoughts of her own. For that I am truly grateful for a new friend - and I hope that we grow to be closer.

I have started to read from my UMS work again and I need to sit down and do my budget so that I can send them a payment and get the next lesson. I am really excited about continuing this course because I felt like my brain was mushing again - and I don't like that feeling at all!!

So between my honey and my new friend T - I am truly blessed these days. Wish me luck with the apartment. I will write again soon!
Love & Light
~A